


Last-Minute Confessions

by stelladora



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 17:49:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12194757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stelladora/pseuds/stelladora
Summary: "'I love you,' Deacon blurted out, yelling over the whirring of the machinery. He stood fixed to the spot, his eyes locked on hers, desperately awaiting her response. But none came. There was a flash of blue light, and she was gone."Deacon chooses a somewhat inconvenient time to confess his love for Nora.





	Last-Minute Confessions

Deacon felt sick. Absolutely sick to his stomach, a feeling he hadn’t had in years. He’d been able to deal with everything that the Commonwealth threw at him, all the jobs he’d done for the Railroad, but this was too much. It was too dangerous. He couldn’t lose her, not after everything they’d been through. There had to be another way. This was insane, she could get electrocuted right in front of them, she could get shot on sight when she arrived. It’s too dangerous, she could die, she could die right now and she’d never know—he’d never have told her—

“I love you,” Deacon blurted out, yelling over the whirring of the machinery. He stood fixed to the spot, his eyes locked on hers, desperately awaiting her response. But none came.

There was a flash of blue light, and she was gone.

* * *

 

Three days passed. There was no word from Nora. Everyone at HQ seemed tense, the way things got just before a big job. Dez tried to maintain business as usual, sending agents out and gathering intel. Everyone was on edge now, waiting for her return, and Deacon most of all. He tried to keep busy, going out with Glory on missions, scavenging for various bits of tech for Tinker Tom, even helping out Dr. Carrington. But his helpfulness and relentless cheer now came off as slightly manic, and things got worse the longer Nora was gone.

Finally, after Tinker Tom came close to having a breakdown due to Deacon’s overbearingness, Dez called Deacon into the back room. She kept her face impassive, trying to think of the most delicate way to begin a conversation she absolutely did not want to have.

“Deacon, I know you’re eager for field work, and I appreciate that. I would like to use your newfound energy for some reconnaissance,” she began.

Deacon, leaning against the brick wall, nodded. “You got it, boss. Recon on what? New delivery at Bunker Hill?”

“No. I want you to go back to CIT. There has to be something we overlooked, the original method they used for getting in and out of the Institute. Or a ventilation shaft, anything,” Dez said, grasping at straws. It had been centuries, and no one had found anything of use at the ruins of CIT. But there _had_ to be something.

Deacon looked blankly at her. “What are you talking about? Nora found the way in.”

Desdemona sighed. They’d reached the difficult part of the conversation. “Deacon…I don’t think the molecular relay is a viable option for us. It’s been three days. It’s time for a contingency plan,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“The situation has changed. I’m now working under the assumption that Wanderer isn’t coming back.”

It felt like Deacon had been hit in the chest with a ton of bricks. He stared at Dez, dumbstruck, before fully wrapping his head around the implications of her words. “So you’re just giving up on her?”

“We have no idea what happened—”

“When has she ever failed us?” Deacon asked accusatorially. “She walked the Freedom Trail! She took down everything that stood in her way! I’ve seen her fight, Dez, she won’t go down easy.”

“That may be so, but even if the relay _did_ work—and we have no way to be sure—she’s _alone_ down there. Whatever she’s facing, she’s outnumbered and, judging from what we’ve seen of the Institute, she’s far outgunned.” Dez sighed and shook her head, turning away from Deacon’s desperate expression. “I’m sorry, Deacon. I know what she meant to you. But we have to face facts.”

Deacon glared at her. Dez was a good leader. Despite all the hardships they faced here in the Commonwealth, he trusted that she knew what was best, and could make tough decisions. But this was a step too far. “You have no idea what she means to me,” he spat. The look Dez gave him was full of pity, and it was that expression that finally forced him to confront the reality he’d been running from these past three days. She might really be gone.

Before Dez could say anything else, Deacon looked away and took a deep breath. There would be time to process this later, when he was alone. Right now there was work to do. Anything to get out of here.

“I’ll leave for CIT right now,” he murmured, brushing past Dez and heading out of HQ.

He took a circuitous route, as was his custom, doubling back every once and a while to make sure he wasn’t being followed. Precautions like that were second nature to him by now, and the extra focus on not being detected allowed him to push everything else out of his mind. If there was one thing Deacon was good at, it was avoidance.

They’d lost agents before, obviously. Whole safehouses obliterated, and he’d been sent in to survey the aftermath. He’d lost friends before, while inhabiting various aliases. But this was more than that. Nora meant more than that. He loved her, of course, how could he not? Ever since he’d first heard about her, she had fascinated him. She was driven, and dead set on tracking down her son and whoever killed her husband. But despite her dire situation, she gave help to anyone who needed it, even people who didn’t deserve help. People like Deacon. She was committed to making the Commonwealth a better place, and if she failed…did that mean there was no hope at all? If Nora couldn’t do it, who possibly could? Losing her…it was the end of everything.

It was only when he heard himself sob that Deacon realized he was crying. At some point, absentmindedly, he had stopped and huddled in an obliterated alley. He was sitting, hugging his knees, oblivious to everything around him. He was never this careless, this could have been a lethal mistake. Deacon took a few shaky breaths, wiped the tears from his cheeks, and stood up, knowing that he’d have to make his route even more serpentine now in the hope of losing any potential followers. He had to stay focused now. He couldn’t afford to break down.

CIT was empty. Everyone knew that. If there had been anything to find there, someone would have gotten to it already. But Deacon diligently combed his way through the old buildings, staying out of sight while the super mutants and synths picked each other off. Eventually the place was silent, and he felt that profound loneliness that crept up on you in the Commonwealth. The past few days had been frenetic, and he was glad of the peace. He made his way to the roof and fortified it as best he could, preparing to stay the night. He looked out over the river as the stars appeared, the same indifferent stars that had watched over the earth since the beginning of time. Life had a way of carrying on, even after tragedies that seemed insurmountable. Deacon lay down, pleased with that metaphor.

* * *

 

There was a flash of blue light.

Deacon sat bolt upright, his heart racing and his gun at the ready, scanning the area for any threats. It was dawn, and in the warm light he was able to make out a solitary figure standing near the columns at the main entrance to CIT. His heart leapt, and he looked through the scope just to be sure that he wasn’t imagining things. It was Nora. Deacon jumped up, gathered his few supplies, and barreled down the rickety scaffolding on the side of the building, sliding a little on the rubble. It was all he could do to keep from yelling for joy.

As he reached the ground below, Deacon’s ecstasy changed to apprehension. Nora was sitting slumped on the stone stairs, and even from this distance Deacon could tell something was wrong. He practically ran to her, not caring that he was out in the open or that someone else might hear his footsteps. As he approached Nora sat up stiffly and drew her rifle. Upon recognizing him (she always could, even when no one else did) she rose and ran to meet him.

She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his shoulder. Deacon held her, relief flooding through him as he laid his worst fears to rest.

“I was so worried—we all were,” Deacon confessed. “What happened? What was it like down there? Did you…?”

Nora held onto Deacon as if he was the only thing anchoring her to this world. The past three days had been enlightening, fascinating, confusing, terrifying and wonderful. But she hadn’t found what she was looking for. Only upon seeing Shaun did she realize what she’d really been searching for throughout the Commonwealth. All she really wanted was a way to make things normal again, to go back to life with her husband and baby in their cozy little suburb. Seeing Shaun, seeing him grown up and leading the Institute...she finally realized that there was no going back. Everything had been taken from her. And only now, in the ruins of the world she had once knew, did the full force of that hit her.

“Sixty years,” Nora whispered. “It was sixty years ago. All that time…all those moments I missed with him…” She looked up at Deacon, still holding him, as if finally focusing on him. “He’s…I found Shaun. He’s the leader of the Institute.”

Deacon had been prepared for a lot of new intel, but this was something he couldn’t wrap his mind around. “What are you talking about? Your son? I thought you said he was—”

Nora took a shaky breath. “I was in the cryo pod for sixty years after I saw him get kidnapped. The Institute took him, raised him…they made the synths from his DNA. They call him Father,” she said hazily. “He’s in charge of it all. He’s who we’ve been fighting.”

Deacon’s heart sank as he began to process what she was saying. Dez would consider her compromised. Would Nora even want to stay with the Railroad, knowing that it was her own son they were fighting? “That’s…I don’t know what to say,” Deacon confessed. Nora just nodded. It had been three days and she still hadn’t processed it all yet. “You’re okay though, right? Did they hurt you?” Deacon asked, pulling away from the embrace a little to look her over.

“I’m fine. They were very nice to me. They want me on their side,” Nora explained.

Deacon kept his face impassive, trying not to broadcast his own apprehensions. “What are you going to do?” he asked quietly.

Nora sighed. “I don’t know yet. I think…I want to go back to HQ and see what their next steps will be before I make any decisions.”

Even in the face of something like this, Nora was rational. Deacon wanted to tell her just how much he admired her, how much she meant to him, how horrible he’d felt while she’d been gone—but this didn’t seem like the right time. He simply nodded and helped her gather her gear, then they set off together back to HQ.

* * *

 

Deacon stood off to the side, leaning up against one of the brick columns while Nora told her story to the small crowd at Railroad HQ. She was more composed now, keeping her mind fixed on concrete objectives in order to not think about all the emotions from before. Deacon noticed that she didn’t tell the group about Shaun, and he didn’t venture up the information either. However she wanted to play this, he would support her as much as he could.

After the general meeting, Dez gathered the higher-ups and tried to form a general plan. The consensus was that Nora should remain on good terms with the Institute, helping them out to the best of her abilities while reporting information back to the Railroad. Dez gave everyone their orders and sent them all to work.

Nora had already been the most effective and well-liked agent in the Railroad, and now she was a downright celebrity. Deacon didn’t have much of an opportunity to speak to her while they were preparing for their next mission; the other agents were all eager to congratulate her and hear all her stories of the Institute. Deacon tried not to feel too jealous; he knew it was stupid and childish to want all of her attention. And yet there was a big question that kept nagging at his mind, and he was desperate to ask her. Had she heard him when he said he loved her?

If she hadn’t, maybe that was all the better. Why risk ruining such a great partnership? Deacon knew that there were more important matters at hand, and he should be focusing on their newest retrieval mission, but he couldn’t help thinking about it. They were picking their way through the streets near Goodneighbor when Nora cleared her throat.

“I…there’s been so much going on lately, I was waiting for the right time to bring this up, but I think this is the best chance we’ll get,” she began. There was an apprehensive note in her voice, and Deacon was immediately on guard. “About what you said just before I teleported…”

Deacon’s heart began beating faster, and his mind raced. All of a sudden he would give anything to go back to just a few minutes ago. The agony of not knowing whether or not she had heard his confession was far preferable to this anticipation. “Yeah?” he prompted lamely. He was already coming up with deflections, lies, jokes he could make to shield himself from rejection or embarrassment.

Nora stopped, turning to face him and blocking the way down the alley. “Did you mean that?” she asked nervously. Deacon opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “If our friendship means anything to you, Deacon, be honest for once.”

He hesitated. All the lies, his whole façade, was just an elaborate way to keep himself from getting hurt. Physically, in the case of enemies recognizing him, or, more often, emotionally. So much of him was an act, a front that he put on for others to keep them all at a distance. But he knew that Nora deserved better. “Yes,” he said emphatically, the word welling up from his chest before he had time to reconsider. He hesitantly met her eyes.

She was smiling. “I was thinking about this moment the whole time I was at the Institute,” she confessed, “trying to think of what I wanted to say. But now…” Nora took his hand, and Deacon felt his heart flutter. “I guess I’ll just start with: I love you too.”


End file.
